A True Story...

I have to tell you something...

 

My life changed and yours can too. Ready? Read on...

 

Beautiful wife, two young, healthy sons, a home in sunny south Florida, upward career path, family friends, a bit of money...this was it, right? This was what it was all about. Happiness, success, living the American dream. Then why was I totally empty and alone? What was I missing?

 

Does this resonate with you at all? Have you been there? When it all SHOULD be right, but it definitely is not.

 

A couple years earlier...I woke up that morning, same as many, followed the routine then off to a seminar. Life was blurry, but not bad, and that day was no different, until panic struck with a vengeance. Thought I was dying, right there on the spot. Rushed to the doctor's office, almost drove off the road, couldn't breathe, throat tightening, sweating, is this it?

 

But alas, no heart attack, no other tangible health problem, but panic indeed had struck, and so it went for almost two years. Two years, of misery, torment, wondering, agonizing, wondering...what is this all about?

 

Medicate it, drown it, sleep it away...nothing helped. Everything else in my life, from my wife and boys to my job and friends, faded into the background, and I found myself staring squarely at my own dark, lifeless soul.

 

Who was I? What was I? Why was I? Questions without answers. Did I love anything, or even care about anyone or anything? If my wife died or left, would I cry? The ache I felt not being able to say "YES" to those questions was more oppressive than any other experience, ever.

 

I don't remember much, but through it all I tried to hold it together. Life continued. I worked, we played, we attended church, I ran away and tried to escape from the agony. My wife and boys urged me forward and I clung to behind. Finally I gave up the farce and called it what it was...no kind of life I wanted!

 

Have you ever been at the end? I don't mean suicidal, because I was not, but in utter darkness and emptiness. Nothing really had any color, or purpose, or meaning. Do you know what I mean? Can you relate? What did you do?

 

For me, it was a Sunday, all alone, family at church, just me, tormented and at the end. I said "Okay 'God' (why I went to God instead of something else, I don't know, except that I DID grow up learning things about God and in a general Christian environment, as opposed to something other or nothing), Who are you? Where are you? What are you? Are you? Why should I turn this way, and not some other?" I knew OF God but did not know God. I continued "IF you are, here I am. IF you want me, for some reason, in some way, whatever that means, take me. I am done with myself. I would be better dead than to go on like this. Do with me what you will."

 

To describe the next moments, days, weeks and months with words fails immeasurably. A color palette...rich, splendid, vibrant, limitless...burst forth before my eyes. Emotion swirled and dwelt within me. Sounds blended with those colors and I literally felt my soul spring to life.

 

My life changed. Yours can too. Ready? This is what happened, this is what really happened. This is what can happen to you. Ready?

 

It was Jesus. I know, it is hard to believe. Hokey, gibberish, gunk, nonsense, fables fed by fantasy, religious junk. I know, but believe me, yes, it was Jesus. He saved me. He sent His Spirit. He gave me eyes to see. He gave me a heart to respond. He reached down to my soul in the utter depths and raised me up to new life. Jesus saved me. He wants to save you too. Are you ready?

 

Look, this is real. This is me, not some religious fanatic nut (well...), but this is ME! Some of you know me. Some of you KNEW me back then, when I did all that stuff. You knew me when God was not flattered by my tongue. This is a joke, right? Wrong. I was changed. I didn't change myself. I didn't learn a few new habits. I didn't turn over a new leaf. I was changed, changed, changed by a merciful God who is real and active and desiring to change you too. Are you ready?

 

I know, you don't believe it. You don't need it. Things are going just fine the way you are, right? You go to church, you believe in God, you are a pretty good person, basically, right? WRONG! I know. WRONG! You do need it, you need Him. Things are NOT just fine, it is not about church, it isn't about being good or doing the right things. You NEED to believe, and believe NOW before it is too late. You need HIM.

 

You see, as long as He gives you breath, as long as you live another day, you have a chance. But, you don't know when that final day will come. You don't know when the breath will escape you. And you don't know what lies beyond this life, BUT you can, and you must.

 

It is simply Jesus. He wants you. You want Him, I am sure of it. Go in your room, in private, somewhere by yourself and get over that pride thing. Just be real with yourself. Face it, you want something to matter. You want to matter, so do it.

 

Tell Him, tell Him, tell Jesus you want Him. Tell Him you need Him. Tell Him you love Him. Yes, it feels strange, but so what. Yes, it feels weak; it is not. Yes, it feels wrong; you will never do anything more right. Tell Jesus and then let Him change your life.

 

See?

 

I had to tell you...you're welcome! Now go tell someone else...

John

If this story has affected you, stirred something in you, even changed YOUR life as I know it can, let me know. Email me at jhbartuska@gmail.com to tell me how you have been changed. Then we can talk about what more it means and some important next steps.

I love you, Reader, and pray even now for you to come just as you are to Jesus who wants you to be saved.